I’m so grateful for the opportunity to create a different life for myself & walk along side others as they learn to do the same!
I have been actively allowing life to refine me for years. I have sought it out & loved the process of becoming more myself as I learned and let go. I take great joy in seeing family and friends join me in that same endeavor. Allowing deeper intimacy with ourselves, our creator, and others. It is beautiful & expansive.
These kinds of things are layered though, you know? 2020 brought a whole new depth of experience up front and center for me. After my dad died, I just stopped. I couldn’t move anymore. Literally, getting out of bed to eat took all of my energy. Everything felt hard and I am so grateful for a business and a family that allowed and encouraged me to take care of myself and just process. We lost 7 loved ones in 11 months, and several more before dad. Each loss brought more thoughts, more feelings, and more awareness.
I practiced giving myself permission to just feel the hard things with no expectation to know what to do next. I began learning to give myself credit for what I HAD done, instead of focusing on what I hadn’t. I laid on the grass in my mom’s back yard at night and just took long slow breaths, breathing in the grass and apple blossoms. I took the time to notice me & my needs. I noticed how deeply I felt the collective anxiety of the world on my shoulders and decided to stop taking responsibility for things that didn’t belong to me. To help me fulfill this intention, I used every healthy tool at my disposal.
And I began to function in a new way. Slowly, pieces of me began to move again. Noticing patterns and adjusting them felt good again. Being present in the moment I was in & taking joy in it became intentional again. Giving myself time to just rest or play without thinking through all of the things I “should” be doing was healing. I practiced not should-ing or have-to’s all around and it felt so nice.
It was & is a process. It felt so hard in the beginning, choosing to do everything intentionally. And it’s really beautiful looking back. I came alive again. I partnered with God and I listened and allowed myself to be carved and rebuilt into a version of myself that I had missed. And she’s pretty awesome! She has learned lots of lessons and taken them as gifts. She has been brave and resilient & learned that fighting the things that help us to grow causes unnecessary suffering. She always loved so very deeply, and now she gets to receive that gift too. I love this version of myself that I have both returned to and become. Work energizes me in a new way again. It has become thrilling once more.
I just want you to know that collateral beauty is a real thing and a deep and flowing gift. If you are in the thick of this journey and things aren’t flowing as easily as you long for them to, breathe in slowly. Put your hand on your heart and breathe out even more slowly. Give yourself permission to feel and grace that you felt however you did. Love that part of you so they can process what felt stuck and know that this gift is the very thing that opens the river of life again.
All my love,